By Shaebaun "Suge" Benjamin
For every romantic relationship you have, you stand to lose 2 or 3
close friendships in that period of time.
Much is made about men and their emotions.
Men should be macho and the devoid of feeling. Those who show emotion have
ostracized and called "bitches" or "pussies". On black
twitter we call that acting "light skinned".
While browsing through my timeline on
twitter, I find many men, several of them friends of mine gathered up in
emotion complaining of problems with their women, problems finding women,
sometimes an angry deposition to women in general.
A while back I jokingly went on a tirade
with the help of my roommate to portray myself in a woeful state brought on by
a woman. In reality at the time had been talking to 3 or 4 women at the time.
Not really caught up with any of them. But I will give a quick rundown:
Girl 1
Me and my two friends as well as another
student rented a house where of course we threw parties. At one such occasion
this girl whom my best friend had relations with 2 years prior had brought a
friend to our party. My friend made off with his old flame and I took the young
lady to my room. I attempted to make out with her but she hesitated because she
had a boyfriend in the army. After a while I cut my losses and bid her adieu.
We texted a bit and I'd say hello every now and again because she worked the front
desk at a common place on our campus. I made a massive contact list to send a
group text to everyone alerting them of a party of ours. One night I stepped on
a landmine. I sent the text at 8:00pm, she texted back at 9:00pm and the
longest "argument" I'd ever had with a woman started. We
"talked" from pregame to party, party to mid-party, all while I was
entertaining guests. She went on and on for about 3 hours while "laying
next to her boyfriend" and I got to the point that I figured "this
girl wants to cheat on her boyfriend with me but, god, she's trying to convince
herself that she shouldn't by trying to convince me she shouldn't and I'm
getting a fucking headache from this". We never texted again and I tried
to avoid her at all costs in public.
Girl 2
This one was a freshman and I was what
you'd call a super senior, I was 22 at the time. I'm a big USC football fan and
we were about to throw a party on a Saturday. A bunch of my roommate's
teammates came to our house to pregame. I was upstairs watching the Trojans
blow a game to Arizona State. You know, one of those 14-11 games. This girl
shows up and starts wilding out all over the place, one of the girls Aziz
Ansari calls a "whoo girl". Fuck her. She had a friend with her who
was the polar opposite it terms of personality but equal in attractiveness. I
couldn't stand any of those dudes so I stayed out of the kitchen except to grab
a beer or a drink. I went down and grabbed a beer and looked at this cute
little thing looking like a lost puppy. We talked for a little and got her
number. We texted and ate together a few times. She was an athlete so I
promised to come to some games (I never did, I had no car, so I car pooled with
my friends to campus). She texted me out of the blue and asked if I was just talking
to her for sex. This is the moment of truth, how you answer this question shows
your mettle as a man. I feel that when a girl asked you that question you ought
to answer with your heart. If it is "yes" say it. If it is
"no" say it and mean. If you lie, you are setting yourself up to be a
scumbag. I said "no" because honestly I had never thought of sleeping
with her...since the first time we met. She took my word for it. Then one night
at a party she got too drunk and so I begged my friend to take her to her
teammate's place where I helped her by making sure she was hydrated and took
her and her friend back to her dorm. She texts me the next day and shows her
gratitude by telling me she only
thought of me as a friend.
Here's some insight into me; I don't
believe in the friendzone or being friendzoned. Understand me ladies, I have
more than enough female friends, meaning women whose company I enjoy in a
completely platonic manner and no romantic feelings. As soon most women
understand that, the sooner they will stop calling men immature for not talking
to them after they rebuff their advances.
Girl 3
The bane of my existence. When a girl
compares herself to another girl who's sheer mention haunts a university, you
ought to get away. The other girl was an insufferable broad who sought drama
like I seek a new burrito joint in the city (that's a lot). They said my girl
resembled this girl. I didn't see it because I never found that girl
attractive. Girl 3 was from the same area as my best friend so he knew her for
a while. They buddied up on the fact that their exes were dating. Then an
incident occurred, I can't go into detail, but it was not fun. My friend and
her became enemies but her and I grew closer. We tweeted cute things to each
other (if Timehop brings them up I might vomit on the spot). We texted. Fact of
the matter proximity was a problem. I say that because there was another guy
who lived in her dorm that was talking to her (and likely much more) while he
was also talking to an ex of my best friend (they were all involved in the
above incident). This guy had it out for me and my buddy. He would stare at us
at parties, at school, in the cafeteria, everywhere. Either he wanted to do
something, or felt we were going to do something. Girl 3 loved all of it. She
appreciated the attention. She probably had to change her underwear every time
she thought of us beating the shit out of each other. Truth be told, because of
something stupid I did the year before, I would never do something impulsive
because of woman. More on that later. Should I also mention that the other guy
showed up to my house and says to me “-----------, you can have her dog, we
shouldn’t be fighting over hoes”. I told her of this gentleman saying I could
have her as if she was the last slice of pizza and he called her a hoe in the
same sentence and she still went on to have a relationship with the guy.
Suffice to say I walked away because those two were made for each other.
After all of this I remember something my
much more intelligent older sister advised me to during my freshman year of
college, I'm paraphrasing, "Don't wife these bitches, hit it and quit it,
son", she has her masters she knows what she's talking about. In all
seriousness, what she meant was that college is a tough environment as is with
education, social life, partying, and keeping up with family that to add the
headache of relationship could be too much.
Throughout life I feel there will be people that you get involved
with that snatch a piece of you that you need and they don’t really want but
they take it anyway. It’s happened to me in the 8th grade with a
young lady that has done very well for herself and yet again during the best
year of my life so far.
That year I did very well in school because I took more writing
and literature classes, so I played to my strengths. My intramural team won the
championship, which to a non-athlete that likens himself to one is a great
feat. My social life was awesome. I met lifelong friends and had very few
enemies. I was actually truly happy.
Then, let’s call her Girl X, Girl X came into my life. She wasn’t
particularly great looking, a 6.5 or a passable 7 on some days if the sun lit a
certain way. Her friends hung out at our suite which was almost like a hotel a
few times a week. For some faint reason I felt an attraction.
I had always been shy from kindergarten to even this day when it
came to girls especially the ones I really liked.
I went away for Thanksgiving break and went out with my boys from
back home and texted her from this bar through the urging of my friends after
telling them how I felt.
She was never concerned about ruining our friendship or anything
so I convinced her to give us a try or at least I thought I did.
She made half assed efforts to hangout and get to know each other.
I find that much more agonizing than friendzoning. At least if I was
friendzoned, as I said before, I would have got out of dodge, by promising to
keep things platonic but never speak to her again.
Apparently she had eyes for a friend of mine, actually the first
person I told I had feelings for her to, ironically. But, unfortunately for her
he was already courting another girl and saw Girl X as a “friend”. Also my
friend and I were going through some issues at the time, as a matter of fact
our entire group had internal issues like the 1977 Yankees or something.
With all of this going on my head was all over the place. I didn’t
eat much and wasn’t much fun to be around. I became a caveman. I was like the
kids on South Park when Bebe got boobs.
Here’s the thing I regret, and I will finally admit it here, and
apologize to my buddy again.
I was walking down some stairs at a party and he was walking up. I
passed him and he passed me. He reached out to embrace me and shoved him off. He
yelled up to “what’s your problem bro”. In reality that meant, why are you
pushing me away I’m your friend. But, my dumbass, at the time took it as “Alright
asshole, your girl likes me, get over it.” I hurled an open beer can at him and
a bunch of dudes grabbed us and separated us.
The next day, I played it off saying it was about the conflict in our
group and not the girl. To be honest until recently I believed that myself.
But, it was about her.
It’s been a while but I still see her and questions pop up in my
head.
“Why did I want her?”
“Do I still want her?”
“If I she texted me out of the blue and said she realized she
wanted me, how would I feel?”
I could have lost a good friend I had good times with that day.
Fortunately I didn’t but our relationship is definitely different since the “beer
throwing” incident.
So when you talk about men and their feelings, here are mine and
their reasons. Share yours, instead of whining randomly on social networks
leaving you open to ridicule. Since I was open about my experiences drop some
of yours “anonymously” in the comments so we know why you feel that way.
Oh, and here’s the 2012 Intramural Championship Team,
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